And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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