she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
