can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
