Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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