Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
