if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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