A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
