Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
