When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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