Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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