All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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