did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
