I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
