I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize