i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
