just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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