im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
