bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
