Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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