god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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