i permit you to call me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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