hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
