There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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