kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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