sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
