I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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