Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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