New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
