It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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