We won't sleep together?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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