You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
