Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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