i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
