I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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