if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize