I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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