I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
50% drunk capacity currently
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
