well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize