Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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