my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize