good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
