There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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