guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
