forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
