So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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