I need help removing her.
just tell him i said nine months
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
