What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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