you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
