he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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