i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
