I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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