you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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