Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
