I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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