I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
