what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
