i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
