3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
