Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
