Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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