Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
