I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
