I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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