so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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