I won't be sarcastic... just naked
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
