I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
