Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
