Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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