The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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